It took me 4 years to tell anybody that I was battling with my own thoughts, but it was such a relief when I finally did.
I started this blog because of my own experiences trying to deal with my mental health issues alone. I would recommend confiding in a loved one, but if you are not ready to do that then this is a place where you can share your troubles by commenting, e-mailing me directly, or just by relating to my posts.
I began experiencing psychological issues when I was just 15 (perhaps I was younger, but that was when it became a serious problem), but it was not until I was 19 that I broke my silence and shared my feelings with a close friend and my mum.
What took me so long?
Honestly, I thought I was in control. I kept telling myself that I was coping with it, perhaps I was, but who wants to live their life just getting by? Every single day, I was waking up and not knowing how I would feel, how bad my OCD would be, how frightened I might become. The worst part though was having to hide these feelings from everyone else and having to ‘act normal‘.
Sharing my problems was so relieving
Once it was out in the open, I instantly felt more positive:
- I was not alone anymore
- If I was having a bad day, then I could discuss it with someone
- I could be me
- If my friends or family caught me doing my routine or habits, we could laugh about it
- If I said that I was having a bad day, people understood that it was more than just treading in dog shit
- The pressures of ‘acting normal‘ went away
I am not saying that the first thing I do when I meet someone is explain that I have had a psychosis, but the people in my life that matter knows and they have never judged, in fact, all they want to do is understand and help.
My first partner had no time for my problems
My first real relationship was very difficult for me. I spent nearly 5 years of my time with someone that never accepted who I really was. They used to tell me to ‘get over myself‘ and that ‘it’s all in your head‘. I should have ended that relationship after the first 6 months, but love is a powerful emotion.
What I learnt is, to be honest with the people in your life that matter and if they care about you then being around them will make your symptoms a whole lot better.
A more normal life
I am currently living with my partner who tries to understand how I am feeling and accommodates for this. We make jokes about it and call my medication ‘crazy pills’, which helps me to take a much lighter approach to my mental illness.
I don’t think that things will ever be perfect, but then again I am a believer in balance and that in order to appreciate the good things in life, you need to experience some hard times as well.